I'm sorry did you just say my kid needs brain surgery?

Some of you may already know that my little Tink (Emma) has a brain malformation. To explain this in the most simplest of terms, she has a size 10 brain in a size 8 skull. We found out accidently when Emma was 2. She had an MRI for something else and found that her tiny little skull was squishing  her brain. So ever since, Emma's too big brain has been scanned yearly at Children's to monitor how much pressure is being put on the tonsils of her cerebellum and her spinal cord. Last years scan showed that she had some issues with the cerebral spinal fluid and its ability to move throughout her spinal cord but nothing major, she was asymptomatic. But this year, this year was very different.

Wait For It.........Wait For It.

We showed up at Children's for what became the longest day of my life at 9:00 AM. We waited an hour and a half for anesthesia to come put her under, then waited an hour for her to get done with her scan, then waited another hour so she could wake up. We had a 1:00 PM appointment with her neurosurgeon, that however, we did not have to wait for. They called us back right away and within a minute the doctor walked in followed by his entourage. One was a nice clean looking doctor completing his fellowship, another was a very tired looking medical student, and some nice woman who did nothing but write, and laugh at me. When he came in he noticed immediately that Emma no longer had hair down to her butt, which was nice, he remembered her. The fact that he remembered her counteracted that he couldn't pronounce her name, that's my fault for spelling it weird. Anyway, he came in and asked how Emma was doing? I said "Good..." "Has she been complaining of headaches" to which I down played "Eh, not really, she really just complains about her legs". The neurosurgeon went on to ask me about her leg pain he wanted to know how often and how bad it was. So, I explained how sometimes Emma wakes up crying because her legs hurt. She will sit at the bottom of the stairs and not want to walk up. Sometimes she just lays on the couch. He asked me what I thought caused this leg pain? To which I responded, very matter of factually, "Well she is taller then all of the kids in her class and still growing. So the only thing, I can think of, is growing pains. Or maybe a potassium deficiency? To which I added that I give her a lot of banana's. The nice fellow doctor laughed, at what I could only assume, was the fact that I had no idea I was answering a loaded question. The doctor turned to his computer and started looking at Emma's MRI from earlier and mumbled that I was not going to be able to fix this with banana's.

Holy Spine?

Emma's Brain

Normal Child's Brain

The doctor pulled up skeleton pictures of my kid, its weird to see your kids skeleton on a screen. He cracked a few jokes for Emma and printed her off funny pictures of her face with her eyeballs popping out for her to scare her sisters with. Then he looks at me and points to the screen and says "your daughter has holes in her spinal cord". "I'm sorry, what? Holes? How the HELL did she get HOLES in her SPINAL CORD!?!?!" was all that I could respond with. "Well", he explains, " if you look at the bottom of Emma's brain you can see that the tonsils of the cerebellum are smashed up against the spinal cord and brain stem, in comparison to a normal child's brain where there is space and room for fluid to roam freely" then he continued down her spine showing me where there are pockets of spinal fluid forming in her spinal cord more now then last year. It is trapped and building up causing "holes". I, at this point, could do nothing except stare at my kid who was sitting across from me in her wheel chair with her legs pulled up to her chest. She was still a bit groggy from the anesthesia. So I asked him while still watching her "Well, what do we need to do? Does she need to have it drained? Go on a diuretic?" "Nope" he replied, almost as if I had gotten his Starbucks order wrong, "She needs surgery". I took a deep breath mainly because it was getting hard to breathe."What type of surgery?" I'm still staring at Emma reminding myself to breathe and not act scared or I would scare her.The doctor looked at me and said "well, I need to open her skull remove a piece of it and cut into the outer layer of her brain to install a patch". "So.... you need to open up and operate on my 5 year old's brain?" "Yes, better now then later, when there may be damage we can't fix". The doctor hands me his card and says to call with any questions then leaves and sends in a woman to give me the run down of what was going to happen next. She handed me a stack of prescriptions for before the surgery. Some sort of soap I have to wash Emma in for the 3 days before and something to stick up her nose. She was talking about my insurance, and our percentage, and what we need to bring to the appointment. We would  need to stay there for at least a week. Only I can stay with her in the ICU but if and when she gets moved to a normal room in the hospital two people can stay the  night so I can have a break. She told us Emma had to have blood work that day and then come back in a few weeks for a pre-op meeting with the "team". I listened to them on the phone making a reservation for a room in ICU for after the surgery like it was a hotel. My head was still spinning, I am sure this doctor has done a million of these, but never on my kid. Brain surgery? My sweet, sometimes sassy, teammate needs her skull cut open? What have I done so wrong to have this happen to my kid?

Never Google

Emma's Spine

Of course, unlike any normal parent, I Googled this surgical procedure to see exactly what they were going to do to my girl. I read up on it. Quickly learned how lucky I am that Emma has stage I and not stage II or III both of those are debilitating she would be wheel chair bound and also that we caught it early enough to avoid what could be some horrible issues. I found the government page that gives simply facts, but that didn't help either. So I watched YouTube videos of other kids and their journey most of which made me cry; which was a terrible idea as I was sitting in the waiting room (again waiting) for the lab to call us back. I kept having to look away to stop from crying. Then I found a video of the actual surgery if there is one thing I would recommend to anyone in this type of situation not to do, its Google. 

I am a tough person, I have been through and seen more then most people and I think you can fix pretty much anything by rubbing a little dirt in it. I have a strong stomach, I can handle stressful situations like its a walk in the park. But there is nothing that prepares a parent to hear that their child has to have surgery on the most intricate part of their body. Its one thing to have your child's tonsils removed, but to hear they have to cut out pieces of their skull, open up the dura-matter, expose the cerebellum and brain stem, then sew in a patch is something I cannot grasp. For once in my life I am at a loss. I don't know what to tell her. She knows she is having surgery on her head, she heard the surgeon, but she doesn't know what that even means. I have read and read and the one thing that is said by everyone, is that the pain is horrific. That they will not be able give her the amount of pain medication she would need to be out of pain because its too much, she would get sick. So it will be a balancing act to keep her feeling well enough to eat and controlling the pain. I am a mama bear, I don't like when my kids are hurt, this not only going to be a test of her strength but mine and my ability to not kill someone. Then add to it all that I have 3 other kids and 1 of them isn't even 2 yet. He won't understand why mommy is gone. I will just not be here. So I have to hurt him in order to help her. I will have one in pain and one a hot emotional mess from not having his mom. Who's going to manage the house? Feed the kids? Make sure they take their meds? Snuggle G? Make sure homework gets done? I haven't even begun to think about the fact this surgery is scheduled right after Emma's birthday and right before Christmas and G's birthday. I have no idea how I'm going to pull all that off, I can't even express what this will all cost. I'm hoping that I have enough good Karma that the universe will step in. Its going to have to in order to keep me sane. So for those of you who take the time to read this all I ask is that you pray...pray for Emma to get through this and for me to be able to get her through this.

Arsenokoites VS The Bible

Some of you may know I was raised Mormon; I know my poor Bishops right? However, as an adult, I attend church only when its necessary; on Easter, Christmas, and all of those holidays that require some sort of Church worship. I don't choose to not attend regularly because I dislike the Church, but more because I dislike most of the people. So in order to refrain from throat punching someone; I would need to take a high dose of Xanax. Then, to get through the three hours that the services last, I would need a high dose of Adderral. Unfortunately those two are not able to be taken simultaneously, so I can't go. I can say though that as a child being raised Mormon, I do not remember ever being taught to hate. We have the same King James version of the Bible as everyone else, but the Church I was raised in never took one passage to focus on ignoring the rest, just to instill judgments and hatred. This upbringing has made me who I am, even if that makes my current Bishop cringe.What people need to always remember is that the King James version is a translated version of very old writings. Unfortunately and not to the fault of anyone (or maybe it is), things can be "lost in translation".

Rewind to a few years ago I met a child, and a couple, who changed my life. I did not give birth to this child, but that didn't matter, that child needed me, the men who loved him needed me, and when a child needs an advocate in their corner to fight for them I never turn down the opportunity to be that person. Over the years I have advocated for many children. But this one, this one amazing little soul gave me a chance to see the world in a whole new light. Unfortunately not everyone see's that light the same way, this blog... is or those people.

In order to write this blog I'm going to call on some professionals:

"Dr. Truluck is a native of Clinton, South Carolina, and was ordained as a Baptist minister in 1953 at the age of 19 when he became pastor of Beaverdam Baptist Church of Laurens, SC, while a student at Furman University in Greenville, SC, where he graduated with a BA in History and English in 1956.  Seminary education at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY, included two Master's degrees in 1959 and 1962 and Doctorate in 1968 as well as Clinical Pastoral Education at Central State Hospital in Anchorage, KY." No I didn't choose him because he was from the same city as my husband, it was just a coincidence, or was it?

Lets just start with the facts; the Hebrew Language has less than 30,000 words, while the English language has over 300,000. The Hebrew language is primitive, just one step up from cave wall writings. They do not speak in past, present, or future tenses. Originally the Hebrew language only consisted of consonants, no written vowels and one Hebrew word could have several different meanings depending on what context the person was using it in. It is almost impossible to translate Hebrew exactly into English.  If you only remember one things from this not so exciting paragraph let it be this               -------->This language also does not contain a word for Homosexuality. This word which has been the platform for hateful slang terms for years and has bred generations of ignorance and fear, it is only about 100 years old and comes from the Greek word "homo" meaning "the same" and the Latin word "sexualis" which is where the English language got the word "sex". This word was first used in 1892 as an adjective and as a noun in 1902. Common sense should tell you something here.

The Greek word that is translated into homosexual in 1 Corinthians 6:9 and I Timothy 1:10 is arsenokoites, The literal translation of that word is formed by two words, "Man" and "Bed". So if we use the actual translation..."man" and "bed", my husband is an abomination while he sleeps right now, because he is a man in bed.This word is not found anywhere else in the Bible, and even when the early Greek-speaking Christian preachers were "condemning" homosexuals, they didn't even use that word. Not even John. Common practice during this time was male prostitution. Could that have been what they were talking about? No of course not.

Lets talk about Sodom the word "sodomy" is not a biblical word. A "Sodomite" in the Bible simply means a person who lived in Sodom. There were no Jewish scholars prior to the first Christian century that taught that the sin of Sodom was that of a sexual nature. No biblical reference to Sodom mentions sexual sins but only use Sodom as an example of injustice, lack of hospitality to strangers, idolatry and as a symbol for desolation and destruction.

 A phrase that is often used in the anti-gay teachings of the King James version of the Bible is when the people of Sodom told Lot to bring out the men so that the Sodomites could "know" them. Genesis 19:5 "And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them" Knowing men means you are homosexual?

The word "know" in Genesis comes from the word YADA, this word is used 943 times in the Old Testament to describe how people should "know" God, good, evil, truth, law, people, things, and places. So does that mean that people should have homosexual relationships with these things as well? The word YADA has no correlation to anything sexual. Sodom, which was a barren wasteland south of the Dead Sea, was valuable because of the trade routes it protected. The Sodomites only encountered strangers that were enemy tribes coming to destroy them and take over this valuable fortress. As anyone in their situation would be they were not fond of visitors.  Lot in this verse was being asked to bring out the strangers, so the people of Sodom could attack and kill them just had they done any other strange people that entered their tiny little village. What was Sodom's response, to this angry mob of men? To offer his young daughters to the violent men outside. If all of these men in Sodom were gay... why would he be offering up his young daughters? And why are translators twisting this story and totally ignoring the fact that he was offering up young girls? Since when is being gay worse then raping and killing children?

You know what the story of Sodom teaches? Actually teaches? That people who are violent and evil, those who attack strangers and aliens just because they do not understand them or "know" them will receive God's wrath. Or maybe that the people who use children for selfish reasons will receive this same wrath... Just a thought.

Lets look at Leviticus 18:22 "You shall not lie with a male as those who lie with a female; it is an abomination." Or Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination and they shall surely be put to death." By the way don't forget there is no actual Hebrew word for Homosexuality.. so obviously the Hebrews didn't recognize it and wasn't even talked about then. So could this commandment from Leviticus refer something else?

 Lets look back at real life history, shall we? Lets start with Baal rituals. During this time there were two major rituals that were practiced in unison. To thank their Gods, Baal and Asherah, for the peoples success in bearing children, breeding animals, and growing crops. The Semitic people took a metal idol, lit a fire inside of it until it got hot and then placed babies, living, breathing babies, inside the arms of the idol until they  burned to death while they sang sacred hymns loudly drowning out the crying, partied, got drunk, and had huge group orgies.

 Now, of course, Leviticus in his commandments was for sure condemning the love between two people who just happened to both be men. Rather then the worship of Baal and Asherah, where people burned babies while the town got wasted and had sex with each other. Obviously, who wouldn't come to that same conclusion?

My frustrations with people who use the Bible and their religion as an armor to hide behind things they don't understand or are uncomfortable with, has probably quadrupled in the last couple of years. So I am going to ask that for those of you that use the Bible or Leviticus's commandments to fuel your ignorant hate stop choosing which commandments you are going to follow and follow them all. So let me help you, here is your list in la-mans terms of course for the most ignorant.....

1. Leviticus 11:1-12 You are not longer allowed to eat rabbits, pigs, oysters, shrimp, lobsters, crabs or clams. They are dirty creatures and an abomination. 

2. Leviticus 20:25 You also need to make a distinction between between clean and unclean animals and birds. You cannot eat anything that creeps on the ground.. you can however, eat grasshoppers because they hop. Yum!!

3. Leviticus 23 You are no longer allowed to do any work on Sunday.You must build a fire and offer up an animal, sorry Fido. 

Also, on the 15th day you must eat "unleavened bread" which is just bread without a rising agent, bread with no yeast, similar to cardboard I would imagine, sounds delish. No brioche for you. Also you need to bring your first sheaf of fruits or your harvest to your Priest, you all better start growing grain or its straight to hell for you. Find a lamb without blemish so a perfect, sweet, white, fluffy lamb similar to those you envision gracefully leaping over clouds while you prepare for slumber and toss it in the fire along side your other burning pets. Add two tenths deal of fine flour, and oil to the fire too, and some wine the good shit, this is the Priest of all people, so no 2 Buck Chuck. Also on the day you're making a wine, lamb, flour meal as an offering you're not allowed to eat anything this is your day to fast, I'm sure that's going to a struggle while you smell that burning flesh. 

On day 50 you need to bring out two loaves of that cardboard bread, fine flour, seven perfect lambs, one young bullock, and two rams (...and a partridge in a pair tree). All of those go into the fire, don't forget the wine too, no drinking while you build your fire, remember you're not camping you're fasting. Add one baby goat, and two baby lambs for peace as well. All of this done while someone is blowing trumpets.You get the point right? This is not all of it, there is more, the directions are very specific if you refer to YOUR Bible. It's a good thing you don't do anything on Sunday.

4. Leviticus 18:19 Husbands can not have sex with their wives during her menstrual period. How many of you men are guilty of that? Welcome to the dark side. Thank God you gay men are safe with this one huh!?

5. Leviticus 12:1-8 says a woman is unclean for 33 days after giving birth to a boy and 66 days after giving birth to a girl. So in order to cleanse your sinful, horrible self from the birth of your child you must offer up a lamb under the age of 1 and a turtledove or pigeon by fire to to the Priest. Don't worry if you cannot find a baby lamb you can use two turtles. WTF?

5. Leviticus 19:19 forbids the mixed breeding of various kinds of cattle, sowing various kinds of seeds in fields or wearing clothing with two or more types of  material. No more Cotton/Spandex ladies. Actually maybe this rule should stick.

6. Leviticus 19:27 You are no longer allowed to cut your hair, or trim your beards...and those of us with tattoo marks, well, we are shit out of luck. 

In Leviticus 26:14-16 it says "If you do not obey me and do not carry out all of these commandments, if instead, you reject my statutes, and if your soul abhors my ordinances so as not to carry out all my commandments ...I, in turn, will do this to you: I will appoint over you a sudden terror, consumption and fever that shall waste away the eyes and cause the soul to pine away; also, you shall sow your seed uselessly, for your enemies shall eat it up." ................ So I suggest you guys get to it.

Just for the record Leviticus was written years before Christ was born, and the only passage Christ EVER quoted from Leviticus was "Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself"... He did not, however, say "Let us go forth and picket the Gay Pride Parade".

Matthew was written after Christ and quotes Christ as saying (Matthew 7:1-5) "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measure to you again.And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye. but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye. Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly the cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." In short... wash your own windows before you start looking in mine...

I expect to see all of you who use the Bible to promote hate, out chaining yourselves to the doors of seafood places, especially where those men throw fish down at the market, those guys are going straight to hell. Also don't forget the barber shops, tattoo places, BBQ's, and anyone and any place selling clothing made of mixed wool, cotton, polyester or any other mixed materials. 

You know what Christ didn't do? He didn't say I'm going to die on this cross for you, you, and you; but not them. So if you are going to use the Bible as your platform and excuse for hatred and ugliness, you better do it right.